Today I felt very sad remembering my dad and I think I should write everything down about what I remember of him, before I forget. I think even when I am not there, my kid's and their kid's should know about him. Being a person with a bad memory, I am trying to remember the very first memory of my dad. Very first memory I can recollect right now is my dad with a thick black beard, I can say I was studying around 3 or 4th standard in school. Me and my sister used to go to my grandmom's[Dad's mom] house in Kilplington Pilkington road near Perambur, Chennai. We used to spend time there with our cousins[Uncle - Dad's bigger brother] who are of more or less our age. We were staying nearby and my mom was also working as LIC agent to support family economical position, which was pretty bad at that time. Dad used to go to office and mom mostly to seek LIC policy or to banks to withdraw/deposit amount or to EB to pay electricity bill. I play a lot with my cousins but I talk a lot only to my dad, once he reaches from office I used to climb on his lap and will start telling story of the day. I still remember his usual dialog at that time "Romba tired-a iruku, oru coffee kududi Karupi" while reaching back from office [mostly at around 8 P.M]. Karupi is nick name of my mom Karpagam. But despite that I never remember he telling me how tired he is, while I used to blabber my day's story on his lap.
My dad always maintained a tag distance with everyone, he wont joke or talk without topics. But when it comes to his kids, he was a perfect mix of strictness, fun and responsible person. I always used to think at that time why he used to be like that with other family members, but never had guts to ask him. But he also jokes with my cousins. I donno may be he always wanted to be young, just I like I feel these days. May be its a cycle, may be I am now more or less his age at that time.
When it comes to his strict nature, I remember very rarely where he used to beat or hit me. Few instances like when I hold the food plate in left hand while eating. He will just tick me [like we hit carromboard striker] and it was enough for me to listen to him, I remember it was painful, he wasnt very strong but my memory says it was painful. He used to be very angry during my school report card when I scored less marks, which was in most of the cases. I will be really scared on that day, I will be pretending to read some school book while he enters home. He will just scold me that would be enough to bring some tears, sometimes a slightly force tap on my lap was enough to make me feel very bad and hurt. There was only one instance where he crushed my report card and threw it to the corner of the room.
But now if I look back, these memories never hurt me, but I feel very bad now that I never learned from him, how someone can be so strict and kind so that kids will never get depressed and took that strictness for hatred. He used to mention again and again, see you are born in Forward Caste, it is difficult get quoto for forward caste these days, if you dont study well, you will only end up managing cattle ["Ozhunga padikalana maadu meikadhaan poganum"]. And he used to say, if you study hard now, you can sit happily and luxurily later; if you sit happily today, you will end working hard later in your life. ["Ippo padicha pinnadi nalla irukalam, ippo jollya irundha pinnadi romba kasta padnum"]
Remembering about his kindness, he used to sit till late night just to give me company for reading for my exams. But he always had one or other thing to do. Mostly doing budget calculations which would how to handle his debts. He used to drop me and my sister to school in TVS-50, which he bought second hand from my uncle [Dad's younger brother]. That uncle used to change his bike very often, he used to ride most of the time for his job, may be thats the reason or may be just liked it, i never bothered to ask it. I still remember the days where all four of us, Dad, Mom, my sister and me used to go in that TVS-50. Mostly it will be fight between me and my sister to sit between parents, because the other gets chance stand in the front space in TVS 50, Or I donno whether the preference was back seat.
Even for very small things, he used to appreciate us as we achieved big things. I remember one day, when our Television's[Old Sanyo? I dont remember, but remember it had two antennas and a blue filter screen over it] speaker stopped working, I removed speakers from our way old radio and used it as external speakers to my television, it will have some noise but worked well for us to watch our favorite DD shows. He used to brag about it to everyone. His policy when something works dont break it, i always opened everything we have at home just curious how it works. Even after opening I wont understand it but it will fun. I remember opening my dad's very old CPU just to see what's inside. Sometimes he used to replace internal parts of it, i sit next to him trying to understand it. I have seen how old bus connectors looked like, still remember how old hard disk looked like. Also remember how old big floppy disks looked like [it will have a whooping 64KB storage, if memory severs me right].
Just like to most of the kids my dad is always a hero to me, a role model.
References:
My dad always maintained a tag distance with everyone, he wont joke or talk without topics. But when it comes to his kids, he was a perfect mix of strictness, fun and responsible person. I always used to think at that time why he used to be like that with other family members, but never had guts to ask him. But he also jokes with my cousins. I donno may be he always wanted to be young, just I like I feel these days. May be its a cycle, may be I am now more or less his age at that time.
When it comes to his strict nature, I remember very rarely where he used to beat or hit me. Few instances like when I hold the food plate in left hand while eating. He will just tick me [like we hit carromboard striker] and it was enough for me to listen to him, I remember it was painful, he wasnt very strong but my memory says it was painful. He used to be very angry during my school report card when I scored less marks, which was in most of the cases. I will be really scared on that day, I will be pretending to read some school book while he enters home. He will just scold me that would be enough to bring some tears, sometimes a slightly force tap on my lap was enough to make me feel very bad and hurt. There was only one instance where he crushed my report card and threw it to the corner of the room.
But now if I look back, these memories never hurt me, but I feel very bad now that I never learned from him, how someone can be so strict and kind so that kids will never get depressed and took that strictness for hatred. He used to mention again and again, see you are born in Forward Caste, it is difficult get quoto for forward caste these days, if you dont study well, you will only end up managing cattle ["Ozhunga padikalana maadu meikadhaan poganum"]. And he used to say, if you study hard now, you can sit happily and luxurily later; if you sit happily today, you will end working hard later in your life. ["Ippo padicha pinnadi nalla irukalam, ippo jollya irundha pinnadi romba kasta padnum"]
Remembering about his kindness, he used to sit till late night just to give me company for reading for my exams. But he always had one or other thing to do. Mostly doing budget calculations which would how to handle his debts. He used to drop me and my sister to school in TVS-50, which he bought second hand from my uncle [Dad's younger brother]. That uncle used to change his bike very often, he used to ride most of the time for his job, may be thats the reason or may be just liked it, i never bothered to ask it. I still remember the days where all four of us, Dad, Mom, my sister and me used to go in that TVS-50. Mostly it will be fight between me and my sister to sit between parents, because the other gets chance stand in the front space in TVS 50, Or I donno whether the preference was back seat.
Even for very small things, he used to appreciate us as we achieved big things. I remember one day, when our Television's[Old Sanyo? I dont remember, but remember it had two antennas and a blue filter screen over it] speaker stopped working, I removed speakers from our way old radio and used it as external speakers to my television, it will have some noise but worked well for us to watch our favorite DD shows. He used to brag about it to everyone. His policy when something works dont break it, i always opened everything we have at home just curious how it works. Even after opening I wont understand it but it will fun. I remember opening my dad's very old CPU just to see what's inside. Sometimes he used to replace internal parts of it, i sit next to him trying to understand it. I have seen how old bus connectors looked like, still remember how old hard disk looked like. Also remember how old big floppy disks looked like [it will have a whooping 64KB storage, if memory severs me right].
Just like to most of the kids my dad is always a hero to me, a role model.
References:
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